I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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