What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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