I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
