so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize