pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
