i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
