His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
