Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
