You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
