You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
