Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
