Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
