I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
