Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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