This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
