Your face is a jimmy john
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
