Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize