As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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