okay pat passed out under dana's car
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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