I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
