I am in a vortex of obligation.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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