Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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