I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
