I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
