watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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