walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
