remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
