So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
