He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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