so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
