My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
