There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
