Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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