Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
