She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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