He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
