Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
