shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
