There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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