They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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