There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
