her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
