What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
