can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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