as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
