I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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