I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
