I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
