I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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