My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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