I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
