If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
