Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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