I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do vagina's smell?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
