Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
