I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
