If i come over, it means nothing
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
