no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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