I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
