garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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