How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
