We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
