Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
